Reluctant Love

“Reluctant love is the experience of loving someone with your entire soul, even when your logical mind tells you it would be much safer not to. It is a love that refuses to die, lingering deep in the fibers of your being.”

It's the tugging on the spiritual umbilical cord that connects a mother and her baby forever, while the flesh still pushes away.

Two souls trapped behind the walls of human caution.

Shame initiates the push, grief maximizes the pull.

It's reluctant love. The kind that makes us terrified to admit we care.

That we still need a hug from mommy. That Mommy still wants you near.

The geography and space can't rewrite the architecture of the spirit.

Stone cold to the face. Tears flow, no one's there.

Every time the cord pulls from the womb, a reminder that beneath the heavy armor of our silence, her soul is still holding onto the line.

Then the mind tries to convince me, im losing my mind.

This longing is like a migraine; it lasts forever and has no cure.

Finding ease in the moment, centralized pain comes back for more.

Forgetting what bugs me. Brain taught to ignore.

Wishing mommy would hug me. But she closed the door.

A reluctance to visit, what she wants no more.

A memory of generational iniquity. Don’t speak! Can't remember.

Mistakes held over heads. Truths become burdens.

Hearts become cold. Love hidden behind silence.

To pray and pray to my sweet Lord! God take the shame and break the lie.

Heal the hearts. Don't let them die.

Ease the pain, send help from above.

Please save our souls, from reluctant love.