#HowTo: Show Up When You Feel Erased

One of the hardest things to experience in life is deception. Deception has many faces and intentions, but do you know one major thing that all deception does? Deception erases. Deception erases the truth, it erases identity, it erases reality. If you Google “to be deceived,” you will read, “To be deceived is to be misled or tricked into believing something that is not true, often due to a false impression or a lie. It involves being caused to believe something false, which can lead to feelings of betrayal and foolishness.” Collins’ Dictionary says, “If you deceivesomeone, you make them believe something that is not true, usually to get some advantage for yourself.”

Reread the end of that last sentence, “usually to get some advantage for yourself.” Deception doesn’t consider its victim's feelings, emotions or reality. Deception solely focuses on how it can maintain the lies and false impressions it creates. After being deceived, how can you show up for yourself if deception erases? When people lie to you, they lie to themselves. They convince themselves they are doing what is best for both of you. But you must remind yourself that God is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), and you must be the author of your reactions, next steps, and next chapter.

Remember your worth even after deception. I’m thinking of Late Discovery Adoptees and others who have experienced the harsh realities of secrets as I write this. But everyone will be deceived at some point in their lives. Deception is inevitable in many cases, whether by a salesman, a loved one, a friend, an employer, or even an entire country. But your response is the one thing you can control. Remember the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” You can’t change another person’s action, but you can regain your power and maintain your perception of your worth by being conscious of where your value resides.

Your worth and value do not rely on how others treat you. Judas lied to Jesus, and that most certainly didn’t make Jesus worthless. Often in movies, we see someone promising a loved one that they will show up for them, whether coming to a sports game, a recital or showcasing a talent or passion. The person doesn’t show, and the loved one struggles to succeed in their specific activity.

They may feel that the person who didn’t show up doesn’t see their importance and begins believing they are not good at their activity. This is a perfect example of how someone else’s actions can alter how we view ourselves. Now, the person in the movie usually doesn’t want to continue in their activity or passion, and since their loved one didn’t keep their promise, they were deceived into thinking that the loved one would show up for them.

A Late Discovery Adoptee (LDA) is someone who finds out later in life that they are adopted or not raised by their birth parents. No matter how one phrases it, an LDA was deceived into believing their birth parents were raising them. Their truths were erased, stored away, hidden from them for no benefit of their own. Their “loved ones” deceived them for personal gain and not out of pure love. When people say God is Love, it means much more than some people intend it to mean. God is Love is not a phrase limited to being inclusive or accepting another person’s preferences. “God is Love” is a blueprint for how to treat others and yourself.

Numbers 23:19 (KJV) tells us, “God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent.” 1 John 4:8 says, “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love". So if God is love and not a liar, then Love shouldn’t Lie! And if God is not a liar, but deception is a lie, then deception is not of God. This is why deception packs such a punch: it intends to erase everything God says you are and everything God intends you to be.

So when you face deception, you must remember your worth and simply act on it. If you love a sport, you are worth the time it takes to master it to feel optimal enjoyment while participating. If you love yourself, you are worth the effort to enjoy being you. Deception can’t erase what you set in stone. Solidify yourself by intentionally striving for success and happiness even when you feel depressed and defeated. Live an authentic life; you may have been told a lie, but you aren’t the lie; you’re the truth that caused the lie to exist. You’re a truth! You’re the truth! Be your truth!

Stay true to your core values and beliefs, only adjusting them for righteousness, accountability and completion purposes. Stay true to yourself even though you may have been lied to. Release the need to react in any way that doesn’t exemplify grace and competency. It’s okay to be upset, hurt or whatever feelings that follow the exposure of deception. But remember who the real enemy is, and know it’s not you! Don’t turn on yourself.

Aim to love yourself. Practice it, and then master it. Continue doing the things you love. Engage in the positive things that bring you joy! Don’t let the deception end the story; use it as fuel to strive for a happy ending. Create a happy now! Lean on your faith when the weight of being deceived feels too heavy. Find a therapist or support group that fits your specific needs. This piece is not exclusive to Late Discovery Adoptees; all humans need to remember how vital it is to keep writing your story, especially when lies and deception try to erase your truth.

God Bless You!

Amelia Renee’

Rea7m (Realm 7), CEO

www.ameliarenee.com