#HowTo: Love Yourself?

11:11 pm

If you Google how to love yourself, the first thing you will see is “start by nurturing a compassionate inner voice and practicing self-care, which includes healthy habits and setting boundaries.” (Google, 2025) Yeah, put that to the side for a minute. If you asked me how to love yourself, I’d tell you first to admit what you hate about yourself. We aren’t babies, get raw.

Look, I’ll start, I hate how my right eye wanders and closes at the first sight of light. Your turn. Say it out loud if you can; if you can’t, whisper it, let it leave your lips. Get descriptive; be honest with yourself. Here’s another one. I hate how much weight I’ve gained postpartum. Your turn. Have you gone yet? How do you feel? Did it depress you? Did it piss you off? Or did it liberate you? Did it give you a sense of control or fearlessness?

After admitting what you hate about yourself, I’d tell you to permit yourself to feel this way! Stop being afraid of you! Perfect love casts out fear, so how can you love yourself when you fear yourself? Have you heard someone say, “I fear the Lord,” but also, “God didn’t give us the spirit of fear?” I lost a friend this way. I told her I don’t fear the Lord (I meant I don’t want to be scared to connect with God), and she assumed I didn’t serve or honor Him. I “fear” the Lord in the form of Reverence!

But what she was too religious to understand is that her strong sense of faith was contradicting and potentially confusing. If God didn’t give us the spirit of fear, how can you fear the Lord? (We can blame the confusing English language for this, too.) But the fear of the Lord means reverence, pure reverence and honor. We fear going against God; we bow in his presence in honor. His glory is too glorious to look upon with our naked eyes, but we shouldn’t be fearful or scared of God; we shouldn’t be afraid to know and connect with Him.

This is an example of how you should feel about yourself. You may be afraid to lose or harm yourself, you may even be scared to die, but you shouldn’t be afraid of yourself; you should not be scared to connect with yourself. You should have a deep reverence for yourself. (I DON'T MEAN BE A NARCISSIST! I REPEAT, I DON'T MEAN BE A NARCISSIST!) Reverence means a deep respect for oneself. You should honor yourself; this includes honoring what you may not like about yourself. Once you admit, and/or say it out loud, you’re releasing what you hate about yourself, so the hate has no place inside you!

So I do fear the consequences of going against God! And I believe He does not give us the spirit of fear; He tells us not to be afraid, not to be weary, even though we still are sometimes. After you admit what you hate about yourself, admit what you fear. I’ll go too, I’m so afraid of mice! Like terribly afraid. How about you? What are you afraid of? Try to say it out loud, whisper it if you have to. Anything else? Oh, I’m so scared to drown, and I’m terrified of ever losing my babies.

How about you? Say a big one! Fear has no place inside you, either. Do you feel anything? Do you feel lighter? Do you feel like you’ve released anything? Admit more fears and things you hate about yourself if you have to. Shoot, write it down if you must! Then rip the paper up! You’re releasing it and removing those hates and fears from inside you, because love needs room!

LOVE NEEDS ROOM!

Alright, now tell me what you love about yourself! For some of us, it was easier to admit what we hate about ourselves. Take a second, what is it? I’ll go first. Let me think. Wow, it’s taking me a while to think of one thing I love about myself! Oouu, I got it! I love my eyebrows, and I’m rather fond of my smile. I love how tough I can be, but gentle as well. I love how the sun shines off my pupils and highlights my beautiful brown eyes. I love my ability to write. I love how I nurture my children. I absolutely adore how I take accountability for my actions.

Now, you! Say it out loud! Be proud! Be bold! Be fearless! Be honest! Why? Because no one needs to know and feel how much you love yourself more than you. I’ll offer a disclaimer: in the Bible, Paul tells us not to think too highly of ourselves (Romans 12:3). This doesn’t mean don’t hold yourself in high regard, but it means don’t hold yourself too high over everything and everyone else. You don’t want to be a narcissist, but you want to love yourself the perfect amount!

So let’s recap so far!

- Admit what you hate about yourself.

- Admit your fears.

- Release all hate and fear to make room for love!

- Remember, love needs room.

- Reverence yourself.

- Don’t think too highly or too low of yourself.

Does this sound complicated? You aren’t something quick and easy, baby! Now it’s time to be intentional. Do things that make you appreciate yourself. Put time and effort into yourself without worrying about who else did or didn’t. Loving yourself is between you and yourself. Don’t be afraid of being alone! You’ve released (or are working on it) your fears and hate. Be mindful that this is a step that you may need to consciously take over and over again.

Now we can grab those suggestions from Google that we put aside. “Start by nurturing a compassionate inner voice and practicing self-care, which includes healthy habits and setting boundaries.” (Google, 2025) Since we have begun evicting the hate and fear inside us, it’s time to replace it with love and faith. Removing hate and fear may look like taking the power back from words and lies spoken over us and our lives. It may mean invalidating what your bully said about you. Removing hate and fear may also look like invalidating negative things a loved one told you or even negative things you’ve said to yourself.

Removing hate and fear looks like not allowing what was done to you to define who you are or what you will become. Removing fear may look like knowing you will make mistakes and trusting yourself to learn from them. Don’t just cast out fear when you feel empowered or encouraged; keep doing it. And when you’re ready, start forgiving yourself for allowing hate and fear to take up so much room inside you. Forgive yourself for bad decisions. Forgive yourself for ignorance or lack of knowledge.

Forgive yourself for those times you felt you couldn’t protect yourself. Forgive yourself for the moments you wanted to quit. Keep forgiving yourself. Loving yourself begins when you can trust that you've got you. Forgive! And talk nicely to yourself! No vanity. Pure love! This may sound like, “I look pretty today.” Or, “Mane, I’m handsome.” It may sound like, “I’m rocking this hairstyle.” Or, “I’m wearing this outfit, period!” Period boo!

So once we nurture a compassionate inner voice, we must practice self-care, and I don’t care what anyone says, self-care is not selfish and making you a priority does not have to be selfish! You are your priority! Oxford Language Dictionary says a synonym of selfish is inconsiderate, and inconsiderate is described as “thoughtlessly causing hurt or inconvenience to others.” (Oxford Dictionaries) Baby, if loving me is causing harm to you, the conversation should have been over, hun! If loving me inconveniences you, baby, our schedules will never collide again! Shoot!

You are a priority, and you will not appreciate you for not treating you as such!

So, next, Google explains self-care as healthy habits and setting boundaries. One thing I learned is that I can’t leave the house without my wallet and my boundaries, baby! Those boundaries are a life-or-death type of serious! Setting boundaries is a healthy habit. Eat your fruits and veggies, drink that water and set those boundaries. It doesn’t matter the relation nor the duration of a bond, cross my boundaries and you’ll be crossed out of my life! Boundaries are your way of telling yourself that you've got you and you are safe! Watch you fall in love with you like you’re your knight in shining armor, I’m talking to the men too! Watch how you come running to protect yourself from anything that means you harm. Show up for you! Have your back!

Feeling liked, protected, cherished, appreciated and respected are a few things that cause us to fall in love with other people; let these things be what causes you to fall in love with yourself! Period! Feed yourself well, including foods that are good for you! Take you out and do the things you love! Exercise! Be active! Be fearless! Watch how you start to feel. Nobody asked me, but this is my advice on how to love yourself.

One last recap: How do you love yourself?

- Admit what you hate about yourself.

- Admit your fears.

- Release all hate and fear to make room for love!

- Remember, love needs room.

- Reverence yourself. (God first!)

- Don’t think too highly or too low of yourself.

- Be intentional!

- Do things that make you appreciate yourself.

- Put time and effort into yourself

- Don’t be afraid of being alone!

- Give yourself time!

- Forgive yourself!

- Nurture a compassionate inner voice

- Practice self-care

- Make yourself a priority

- Adopt healthy habits

- SET BOUNDARIES!!!

- Show up for you!

- And Please, DO NOT BE/BECOME A NARCISSIST!

Period!

With much love and respect,

-Amelia Renee’

“The Soul-See-Ologist”

(P.S.: I use the word “yourself” so much in this article!)